AAARGH!!!

Can you identify yourself in this scenario?

It is 3 AM in the morning. Not a thing is stirring. Not even a mouse.

[BEEP BEEP BEEP] (Place atrocious ringtone here)
M: (Picking up almost instantly, as am light sleeper) Hello?
Ass: (Going off like a overflying jumbo jet) Hiiiiiii !
M: (Holding phone as far away from ear as possible) Yes????
Ass: (Cheerfully in a voice like thunder) It's me!
M:Who's me?
Ass: Me, silly! (Donkey like brays of laughter shoot down the cellular link)
M: My dear, are you aware it's three in the morning? Who's speaking please?
Ass: (Laughing like a set of cannons going off in Mosul) You don't know me? GUESS WHO!
M: (In exasperation) Look, it's very late and i have an early --
Ass: Come on! Just guess!

At this point in time in complete frustration I terminate the call, switch off the phone and fling it across the darkened room. One thing I can say about Nokias -- they handle being tossed across rooms and bounced against walls very well.

My apologies to any of my lads who may have been arrested or indeed anyone who might have tried to call or text me between 3 and 9 this morning.

Calls that come at obscure hours of the morning generally have serious connotations - in addition to the afrorementioned arrest by gung ho cops, I've also fielded one about a friend going into labour, one concerning two gentleman attempting to unite each other with their makers and numerous dealing with some issues of the other. These I don't mind.

What I mind are half wits calling me at three in the bloody morning with these RIDICLUS games. Can you spell EEJIT?