Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Sudan Fiasco

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Just when I begin to imagine that the bar of ineptitude and ignorance in our foreign affairs ministry cannot get any lower, our foreign affairs minister and his merry men and women always find a way to slither under. I watched on TV yesterday a series of amazing events that took place behind the scenes in the epic signing of the Sudanese Peace Agreement

The mediator of the peace talks, one Lt General Lazarus Sumbeiywo was unable to find a seat and had to look for one and carry it himself across the parking lot to the VIP section, very awkwardly, on his head

Prominent VIPs like Ghana's former president Jerry Rawlings, former Kenyan president Daniel Moi failed to get seats. Why? Schmucks in the Kenyan Cabinet had lowered their foolish backsides into seats at the very front of the VIP section, next to leaders like Rwanda's Paul Kagame and Uganda's Yoweri Museveni, leading to this hilarious, pleading announcement:
"Please, can all those who are not heads of state please vacate the VIP section?"

Sudan's president El Bashir had just gotten out of his car before he was surrounded by Kenyan officials who promptly hustled him forward. I cannot lip read but this is what I suspect happened:

Bashir: :(In Arabic? Sudanese?) What the heck?! Can you stop pulling me along?! Wait!
Official 1: (In English) What the hell is he saying? Aren't they taught English in Presidential School?
Bashir: (Struggling) Wait!
Official 2: What's with this clown? Doesn't he know we're behind schedule? And can he stop pulling us back?
Bashir: My wife you fools! You've forgotten my wife!
Sudanese Aide: (Running up) Wait! You forgot his wife!
Official 1: (&*(*^^&^&HKJHK

Uganda's president Yoweri Museveni was left to his own devices at the periphery of the car park and after waiting for 5 minutes took initiative and started with his wife across the parking lot, and not two seconds later were almost run over by a lowly 504. I shudder to think of our relations with Uganda if a miserable 504 took out their president

Kenyan Foreign Affairs minister Chirau 'Quicksilver' Mwakwere forgot to recognize the presence of most of the dignitaries in his speech as he stammered and flustered sweatily along.

I can bet these guys will find a way to top this!