M on M (with 16% VAT)

Peer pressure at work! Ok Miss K, Mama J(acinta?)JunkYard, Nick

1) I've spent a long time trying to attend to the foremost of duties - know thyself
2) I'm not done, and don't expect to be for quite a while
3) So far I am intrigued by what I've found out
4) "Because", as an answer to questions, I generally find acutely wanting
5) Many people and establishments view this with quite some apprehension
6) I prefer to talk to God from my heart, rather than using canned prayers
7) There are people who go out of their way to fit into a mould
8) I am not one of these
9) Being the first born, growing up quickly was something I had to do in a hurry
10) Which did not exclude getting into trouble
11) I brought my folks close to heart attacks on numerous occasions
12) When I was not looking down at their terrified faces from the roof of our house or dangling from the back of a speeding lorry or deliberately getting lost on my "adventures" my backside was paying the price.
13) Today's logic of sending a small boy to his room, fully equipped with computer, play station and TV, ostensibly as punishment, escapes me entirely
14) But I was a small boy of "live for the moment, face the consequences later"
15) I'm very easily bored
16) As childhoods go, I can't complain about mine. There weren't many dull moments there and I like to think there aren't many now
17) And even now I still love kids. I even speak pretty good baby
18) Something about their optimism, good cheer and innocence
19) You don't have to listen for undertones and hints when talking to kids
20) I love chocolate. And ice cream. And cake
21) In fact every Friday I pass through the supermarket directly opposite my workplace and get myself a large bar of Dairy Milk chocolate (made with a glass and a half of full cream milk). The plain kind. Personally, nuts, raisins, etc just pollute the chocolate. This I eat on the way home
22) I'm in excellent health and fitness
23) I generally unruffled by most situations
24) For example just this weekend I and some fellow Kenyans found ourselves being forced to alight from a vehicle by police armed to the teeth
25) As I was being searched one of the cops demanded to know what I was eating
26) I told him chocolate (see 20)
27) He asked me why I was eating it during a police search
28) I asked him why I shouldn't be eating it (see 23)
29) While most people have bejeweled crucifixes and other what-nots around their necks, I have a little wooden teddy bear (see 7,8)
30) George is his name
31) George is usually received with considerable amazement by new acquaintances
32) I have an excellent memory
33) But not for faces - It's very common for me to run into someone who talks to me at length, bids me goodbye and leaves me wondering who the heck I have just been talking to
34) But for other things they tend to stick
35) For example I can still write down the periodic table
36) Haven't quite figured out why some things stick and others don't
37) Most people think I'm a bit more intelligent than average
38) This is an opinion I do not share
39) However I learn things pretty quickly
40) As long as I have at least a slight interest in them
41) For instance I learned to ride a bike the very first day I attempted
42) Of course during the course of the same day I made the acquantiance of a street light
43) Did you know that regardless of the speed at which you hit them, they will not move?
44) My word can be taken at face value
45) I'm not a fan of hints, inclinations and suggestions
46) If I think you're an ass you'll know it without a shadow of a doubt
47) I have a pretty good sense of humour
48) This gets me through most days, good and bad
49) Extremely self confident (Irritatingly is the word commonly used)
50) I love listening to music
51) I listen to music when I work, and sing along
52) I'm not too bad actually
53) I enjoy almost all genres, from Afro-fusion down to Zouk
54) What I can't stand is listening to Celine Dion or Usher or Mariah Carey with those ridiculous reggae remixes
55) I resisted the temptation to get a mobile phone until my boss actually bought me one and forced me to get a line
56) This was back in the day when Safaricom had one Tariff and a Kencell line was not 300 or so bob as it is today, but a solid 3,500 iron men
57) I can watch my phone ring without feeling guilty about it. I must have missed that part of the constitution where it says that one must answer all calls.
58) Flashing me will not get you far
59) I'm extremely easygoing
60) This I get from my father
61) I deeply admire my father. He's the most remarkable man I have ever met.
62) He is always smiling (I'm working on that one) and I've only seen him annoyed once in my lifetime.
63) From my amazing mother dear the generosity genes came
64) And the cooking. I'm a pretty good cook.
65) Once walked into a robbery in progress
66) Between me and the robbers I'm not sure who was more surprised
67) One of the hardest things you can ever do is attend the funeral of the person you were convinced you were going to spend the rest of your life with.
68) It is even harder to write the eulogy
69) And it is almost impossible to read it
70) It's four years past now, and much as I never thought it at the time, the pain is gone.
71) I'll still have a piece of you in my heart forever Michelle
72) It's a pretty big heart, so I hope no one will mind the filled space
73) I cannot believe I've just said this in a public website
74) Striped suits and checked suits are the most ridiculous things that the human male can put on his person
75) Blue, black, grey and white are my colours
76) Boxers! Only boxers!
77) If I could go back in time I'd have done philosophy in university
78) As friends go I'm very grateful for mine
79) They've seen me through some of my most trying times
80) I hope they realize how much they mean to me
81) I already know who my best men are going to be ( I shall have two)
82) Suffering fools is not something I do
83) Hypocrites and tribalists also get my goat
84) When I was a small boy I was shut in a clothes basket with a chicken that objected both to being in the clothes basket as well as my presence
85) I did not know at the time that it was a chicken
86) There was little doubt whose feathers were ruffled most
87) I'm generally nice to people
88) People therefore take great liberties with me
89) They don't seem to realize that I notice this
90) It annoys the heck out of me
91) On occasion I express myself fairly comprehensively
92) Then things go back to normal (see 87)
93) I love watching TCM classic movies
94) How many of today's movies have a cast of only 4 and are set in one room and still manage to keep you watching for the full 90 minutes? How many of today's movies are the story and not the budget or the actors?
95) When I was a small boy I got a crocheting needle stuck in my throat
96) I don't mind needles, but I do mind hospitals. Something about the smell, the smug doctors and the gloomy atmosphere keeps me in perfect health and fitness purely by will power
97) I'm a bit daring
98) Some of the things I've done on a wager (or just because I could) will bar me from public office
99) I'm a believer of actions over words. This is why I hold most politicians in fine disdain
100) I'm the only boy I know who did not fall for the infamous "show me yours and I'll show you mine" subterfuge, that was the waterloo of many small boys in kindergartens all over the world
101) When the present Nyayo High Rise was just a big rock, my father once had an accident in which he rammed into the said rock at some 140 plus km/h
102) My brother and I were kneeling in the back seat
103) CSI like reconstruction of events indicated we actually broke through the rear windscreen on our way out of the car, landing on an grass embankment
104) Net damage - the loose tooth I had came out
105) I wish I was a couple (and only a couple) of inches shorter. Being tall is a bit overrated.
106) Yes, it's handy to change bulbs and get stuff from top shelves but I've lost count of the low doorways I've banged my forehead against
107) Fitting in small cars is also an exercise in contortionism
108) I read a lot, from The Epic of Gilgamesh right down to Tom Clancy & Steven King
109) I sometimes wish I was a miser - I take very good care of myself. Too good. My money starts off as a 1,000 bob note, and then regardless of what I buy converts to 500 bob, 200 bob and coins. The next transaction lands me with two 200 bob notes and coins, the next 100 bob and coins and the next just the coins. There may be gremlins in my pocket that eat my cash
110) Had a crush on two people who happen to currently be in the same state, and in fact the same physical loacale
111) Without a doubt during the course of the day they run into each other
112) I like to think they're blissfully unaware of this aspect that they share
113) I'm sure that one or two reading this will now fondly imagine they know me
114) Resist the temptation, This is but a scratch on the surface
115) Even from thousands of miles away, A intrigues me immensely
116) I am who I am thanks to the efforts of God, my wonderful mum and dad who made me the man I am and my friends who have carried me through the rougher spots of my life. Salut!

Simon & Garfunkel - The Boxer