Nitwit Incorporated

Recent events in the diplomatic arena have led to some rumination: that of the drawers of what is the Kibaki cabinet few leave any doubt that in the intelligence department it is doubtful they would be smart enough to hit the water if they fell out of a boat.

Chris Murungaru, Njeru Ndwiga, Ali Mwakwere and indeed a good chunk of the August House need to get over themselves as soon as possible and realize that double digit IQs are immediately apparent to external observers, discerning or not -- they have no need to be exhibited repeatedly. If anyone had doubts that MPs misguidedly think a good deal of themselves these doubts ought to be put to rest by recent utterances they make.

• Chris Murungaru swears to defend his "human rights". (Shopping at Tiffany's comes immediately before food, shelter and clothing in the hierarchy).
• Njeru Ndwiga thinks an economy that has a GDP of billions of dollars will throw tantrums at losing the odd coins that Kenyan tenders would provide, and that they would be so incensed that they would ban an insignificant (not literally you understand) cog in the global stage from setting it's (the cog) sweaty foot on it's (the economy) soils. This ban will inexplicably open the doors for floodgates of said tenders. So convinced is he that the British populace is pining and withering away in his absence that he strikes a mortal blow to them by depriving them of his company , daring the Home Office to revoke his visa.
• Ali Mwakwere opens his mouth and leave little doubt that prerequisite qualifications to run the foreign affairs ministry are as welcoming and all encompassing as they can get -- at minimum you must have a pulse and opposable thumbs. Anyone unfamiliar with the term 'oxymoron' needs to listen to this gentleman ask for diplomacy with language that turns the air immediately around him blue for miles. (Credentials to head the Foreign Affairs Ministry can be sourced at Uchumi, Nakumatt or indeed any nearby kiosk)
• Assorted half witted MPs (sadly, the higher quartile in the IQ department of the August House) detect some colonial connotations in the actions. They try (and fail) to explain what is colonial about banning a man from visiting your premises.

Personally i am of the opinion that my house is my sanctuary and I can decide at whim who can and who cannot visit mi casa. What's more, I do not owe any explanations to anyone. And it is ludicrous for you to sue me because i have refused you access to my house!

Gentlemen (and i use the term very loosely) you do not, repeat, DO NOT have a right to a visa, not to the UK, not to the US, not to Papua New Guinea, not to Surinamme. You do not even have the right to visit a shack in the Kibera slums.

Being a cabinet minister may impress your friends, relatives and livestock here but it holds little or no water beyond that, and still far less abroad, especially factoring in that practically a third of the entire August House are also ministers. Being a minister has become like owning a mobile phone -- everyone has one. Beyond your immediate family, friends and admirers (both of them), no one cares whether you are the Minister of Security, the Minister of Transport or the Minister of Livestock with Two or More Feet, so don't be shocked when your crowd of followers shrinks to the security officials at Tiffany's who keep you from abstracting items you would rather not pay for.

Unless your job description changed, or there is a Minister's Exchange Program in operation, your duties are confined to offering services to the people of Kenya. You'll have to try a lot harder to convince us that surreptitious trips to Britain are part and parcel of your duties.

August Jinx
- Dr John Garang RIP
- King Fahd RIP
- Robin Cook RIP

Fela Kuti - Lady