tHiNkEr's rOoM

Moving House

2005-08-26T20:30:00.000+03:00

Well, it's been real. It's been real.Blogger has been home for 8 months now but its time for us to part ways. That blogspot thing in the url was driving me nuts! (Random question ... why isn't it thinkersroom.blogger.com?)I am in the process of moving to a shiny new domain, that is, surprise surprise, thinkersroom.com. Reason i'm telling you now before i complete the transition is that importing

Botswana Or Burst

2005-08-25T10:43:00.000+03:00

Getting to Botswana from Nairobi necessitates getting to Botswana by Kenya Airways, flying over it and landing in Johannesburg. Jo'burg airport could learn a lot from JKIA Having natural gas powered trams to ferry passengers to the terminal is not good for passengers' health. They will develop flabby underarms, pot bellies and varicose veins Refusing to announce departures and arrivals is not

Heads Up - Missing In Action

2005-08-19T15:49:00.000+03:00

I'm off out of the country again. This time I'm not stepping across the border, but will be crossing several borders. Unlike some people who we will not name (like Chris Murungaru), the Government where I'm going does not object to my "conduct, character and associations" and will let me in.I've spent the entire week applying for a passport (hence the silence). To pry a passport out of the cheap,

A WTF Moment

2005-08-18T10:25:00.000+03:00

When it comes to heartbreaking stories, the news yesterday was on a roll.The first was of a stepfather who had raped his young stepdaughter. The mother promptly took the matter to court after seeing her daughter to hospital but to her amazement her reception at home was that of an outcast. Her relatives objected to her presence and after failing to convince her to drop the case, threw her

Christopher's Limerick

2005-08-11T11:30:00.000+03:00

Duly inspired my Mshairi and Mental, I have to stand up and be countedThere once was a chap named Christopher,who filled a good deal of a sofa.Who one day was told,put your plans on holdif you want to travel to Britain.Increase that day did his sweating,as he sat there sullenly regretting,saying sadly to himself,"Oh how I am unlucky,not to buy a new rubber ducky"Christopher thought it was a

Chocolate Teapots

2005-08-09T09:28:00.000+03:00

What was Kenya's leadership doing instead of standing shoulder to shoulder with the still tearful, still traumatized Kenyan victims of the August 7 bombing?Blowing hot air from their considerably large blow holes about some nonsense visa.NOT ONE government official showed up at the commemoration ceremony.Public money that will be wasted filing court cases in the defence of large sweaty gentlemen

Nitwit Incorporated

2005-08-08T11:33:00.000+03:00

Recent events in the diplomatic arena have led to some rumination: that of the drawers of what is the Kibaki cabinet few leave any doubt that in the intelligence department it is doubtful they would be smart enough to hit the water if they fell out of a boat.Chris Murungaru, Njeru Ndwiga, Ali Mwakwere and indeed a good chunk of the August House need to get over themselves as soon as possible and

When It Rains ....

2005-08-01T15:03:00.000+03:00

The talk of the town is that a certain sweaty gentleman, the sight of whom brings to mind the picture of an large elephant in a small tent, has been banned from setting foot in England or any of its territories. He is not, repeat, NOT to be allowed to set said sweaty foot on any English territory.Walking, one of the few remaining means of transport available for someoneThis has naturally caused

I'm Back

2005-07-27T13:13:00.000+03:00

Finally, M has returned to Nairobi.I must confess that when I actually set foot on these hallowed soils for a second there I thought I had boarded the wrong transport and was alighting at the North Pole. After the sunny warmth of Kampala I discovered that it was possible for your goosebumps to get their own goosebumps.The transition of having my laundry, sheets and other odds and ends done by

Hotel Embarasse

2005-07-21T13:05:00.000+03:00

Been shockingly busy -- my sojourn at Uganda is coming to an unwelcome end, so any silences are entirely inadvertent. However it has not stopped me from having interesting experiences.The other day I was at the hotel restaurant making short work of a fish that not half an hour ago had been merrily swimming in Lake Victoria. That I was concentrating all my faculties on this noble effort was

Odds And Ends

2005-07-13T16:45:00.000+03:00

#1 - Strange World This!I'd never have thought it possible but my Anatomy Of A Kenyan MP touched a raw nerve with someone! I kid you not! He defends them, and he says "criticisms levelled against most Kenyan MPs fly across the face of sheer logic and common sense." Of course the first line of his defence, "I happen to be a son of a sitting Member of Parliament" knocks much of the wind out of his

The Terror Era

2005-07-08T09:49:00.000+03:00

[EDIT #2]The so called "war on terror" is not only not working, it is falling flat on its face and taking us down with it.I must confess that I was quite taken aback to read about the London bombings on the CNN and BBC websites. Where oh where would we be without technology? A personal twist was brought into it because I know people who are there, and hearing it from them was indeed sobering.It

Get Real: Global Politics 101 & Live 8

2005-07-04T11:16:00.000+03:00

[Edit #2]I fully expected my last post, Live Aid? Please! to stir some interest, and it didn't disappoint. Responses in terms of posts and actual emails have been coming in thick and fast. The post has been linked to by several websites and blogs, both personal and institutional, and those have sprouted their own discussions.Which is good.It is impossible to respond to everyone in person and so I

Live Aid? Please!

2005-06-28T09:30:00.000+03:00

[EDIT]The latest buzz over G8, Commissions For Africa, Live 8 and all the latest catch phrases leave me decidedly amused. I for one am deeply sceptical that all this fresh hubbub of the latest fashionable buzz words, taking over from "War On Terror", "Globalization" and "Peace Accord" are nothing but unadulterated, politically correct, sanctimonious hot air.I am frequently puzzled with references

Conversations With God

2005-06-24T17:59:00.000+03:00

Life is a very strange thing. I've spent years and years trying to find out what mine is all about and much as I have made progress, it is almost negligible compared to the broader picture. However, one of my duties here is to know myself, so I do get some small credit for effort. After all,we are not here to wake up, go to work, have a drink with friends and sleep daily, year in year out.My

Of Shotguns

2005-06-23T10:06:00.000+03:00

As twists of fate go, my beloved old man is also in Kampala on business and I can't think of a better way to pass time than spending some time with this gent. When it comes to interesting tales and dispensing sound advice this gentleman is hard to top.Again he is on site at the Sheraton making sure that the builders keep the floor at the bottom and the ceiling on top. While waiting for him to

Let's Get Soapy

2005-06-20T10:03:00.000+03:00

[EDIT]Today I watched a soap opera. Not so much out of choice, but curiosity. The hotel restaurant happens to have a TV and a desperate young lady appeared and pleaded to be allowed to switch to the DSTV channel that was showing Days Of Our Lives. Since I was the only one there, and what's more was working on my notebook I was not in a position to object too strongly.I could see and hear the

Uganda 101

2005-06-17T10:13:00.000+03:00

GeographyKampala is chiefly composed of hills and corners. The town planners appear to abhor straight lines and insist on putting curves and corners along the roads. Rather than have old fashioned T-junctions, a popular design of making a left turn requires you driving 50 meters further down the road, (away from the turn) before turning back and then taking the turn. This helps break the

Geography For Absolute Dummies

2005-06-14T15:34:00.000+03:00

What is more ridiculous than powdered water? A Kenyan Tourism Minister who thinks Mt. Kilimanjaro is in KenyaAmazed and bewildered travel agents listened in disbelief as the geography of East Africa was altered on the fly with fleeting regard to pesky international conventions like cartography and the United Nations.While someone scrabbled for an atlas and surreptitious text messages were sent

Man & Beast

2005-06-09T09:47:00.000+03:00

Apparently, you are either a cat person or a dog person. Just the other day I went to visit my good friend L. L is the proud and doting owner of a feline and she (not the feline) has the most ludicrous habit of talking incessantly in that annoying coo that I'm sure even babies object strongly too. Things like"Ooo! How is mummykins' little darling?! Ooo!"Oozed irritatingly out of her mouth to an

Anatomy Of A Kenyan MP

2005-06-03T09:27:00.000+03:00

Meet Jack Arse, MP. The initial urge to smack his fat head can be overwhelming, but if you keep your hands in your pocket all will be well. This feeling is intermittent but on the whole it is wise to keep your hands in your pockets.Jack insists on being referred to as the 'Honourable' Jack Arse, despite the fact that this gentleman is nothing remotely of the kind.He is the living testament that

Just Friends: A Scientific Study

2005-05-30T09:48:00.000+03:00

It is only God's considerable sense of humour that can have me read about this at G's and then later in the grey area between Sunday night and Monday morning be fielding a series of calls precisely on that subject matter: the famous "Let's just be friends" speech given when budding Romeos and Juliets part ways.Annabel and Bill, having just broken up on what they fondly believe to be cordial terms

Cheated!

2005-05-25T11:03:00.000+03:00

Each and every last man on this planet can be absolutely and totally classified into one of two camps(a) Those who prefer Beyonce(b) Those who prefer KellyOf course there are some who prefer Usher, but that is nether here nor there.Last night a heated debate amongst us (and people in neighbouring tables) led me to realize that there is yet another way to split all the men, and even the women in

Gunners 4 Life

2005-05-23T12:13:00.000+03:00

Can you say "YEAH BABY"!Much as Manchester United played better, the Carling Cup game between Liverpool and Chelsea is another illustration that winning a game and winning a match are not always the same thing. Jens Lehmann quite literally saved the team, during the 120 odd minutes of the game AND the penalties.My man of the match - Jens Lehmann.And to all those Man U goons who disturbed my

Some People Are More Equal

2005-05-20T09:09:00.000+03:00

Attorney General Amos Wako is a man you are unlikely to miss. His trademark smile, cheerfully exposing his 78 teeth to observers, will have a strong case should there be pressure for a 9th wonder of the world.I have only heard this gentleman laugh once, and it was an experience I highly recommend for anyone with nostalgia of days of yore. This chap laughs like a schoolboy that has been discovered

The Name's Al. Al Koholic

2005-05-17T13:05:00.000+03:00

A Lad's Night Out is something that I generally look forward to with what can best be described as mixed feelings. Why? Because by the time I get home with the morning milk, I will have had an excellent time with my best friends. I will have participated in banter, friendly arguments and story telling sessions. I will have made short work of meat roasted over an open fire. I will have stretched a

Sports Nuts

2005-05-13T14:10:00.000+03:00

On my way to work I had a chat with a small boy as he hobbled painfully towards his establishment of learning. A few minutes of friendly banter had me discover that he was limping due to a football injury sustained in the course of duty for his school. The exact nature of the injury brought back a few bits of nostalgic memory.Years ago when I was a blissful high school boy, sports was not just

It Shouldn't Be This Hard - I

2005-05-11T10:22:00.000+03:00

Kenya is composed of 31 million. 30,999,740 of these are human beings. The remaining 260, while closely resembling human beings, are nothing of the kind. I'd call them beasts of the field but even swine and bovines would object to such a crass generalization so I shall call them what they are normally called, MPs.Out of those 30,999,740, let's say half of them are supported by the other half,

Beauty And The Beasts (Of Burden)

2005-05-09T11:01:00.000+03:00

Much as I can run pretty fast, I really need to work on my start up time. If I were a car I'd have a top speed of 300km/h but my catalog would say 0-60 in ten minutes. This is the only explanation I can think of that will explain why I keep getting caught in debates I'd rather not have.My dude K is on the exalted path to married bliss but one could not know this by looking at him. We (self and 2

CSI: Nation Center

2005-05-05T11:15:00.000+03:00

Grissom: Ngai fafa! From the very beginning I knew this case would be a tough one. I was under no illusions. I've seen many things in the course of my job, including that case where someone quite literally got the taste slapped out of his mouth. He actually lost his tongue. So this case caught my interest the minute I switched on the KTN morning news. I rushed over here with my team. In fact here

The Rise Of The Uruk Hai - Party Raid

2005-05-04T10:46:00.000+03:00

Our 'working nation' failed to avail power on Sunday, Monday and Tuesday, at least where I was. Following post was written Saturday evening and is ENTIRELY tounge in cheek, and any reactions should be in said spirit. Note: Any image mix ups are accidental.An Uruk Hai Chieftain, leading a band famed for ruthlessly efficient warlike tendenciesA Certain East African First Lady, famed

Cabinet Tales II

2005-04-25T10:45:00.000+03:00

Image above has no relation to content below. Pure coincidence!Act TwoBacks : Are we all here? From there? Where we came from? Moody: Yes your Excellency. Everyone is here. We can now sing that national anthem and recite the loyalty pledge. Ochillo came late and will have to be punished. Can you kneel down? Kirwa : Why do we have name tags? It’s

Of Conferences

2005-04-22T10:34:00.000+03:00

Tuesday found me at Sarit Center’s Exhibition hall at the Safaricom launch of Mobile Office, a GPRS wireless internet solution, as well as showcasing some ICT solutions from partners that are running using Safaricom’s network infrastructure.Nothing out of the ordinary. I generally don’t mind attending these. I get to eat food not served by people in ridiculous plastic aprons and hats, get to meet

We're In Deep Tint

2005-04-21T14:39:00.000+03:00

Events over the past couple of weeks continue to leave me undecided whether to laugh or to cry.Over in Ngong people are living under a siege of sorts, and it takes a particularly brave soul to venture outside past six in the evening, risking loss of assorted teeth, slashed person and life.Over in Mombasa there are Raiders Of The Lost Ark, or whatever they call themselves training in the jungle.

Quality Control

2005-04-19T17:03:00.000+03:00

Just a shotgun post to gather viewsLooking at my site statistics informs me that more people visit now that they did some 4 months ago. Visits are increasing.This pleases me.Looking at the number comments left informs me that people comment less now than they used to. Some posts were unable to inspire a single comment.This concerns me, especially factoring in that more people are

The Kibaki Meme

2005-04-18T13:52:00.000+03:00

Deno, over at Virtual Insanity threw a challenge my way. I duly comply (risking getting myself into a situation where I will have to avoid dropping soap in a certain well guarded communal shower)1 a. Do u think Kibaki is LAZY? Not really. He just has an acutely severe aversion to exertion of any kind1 b. Give an instance of when he portrayed LAZINESS as president.- Never reacts to anything (

Nothing Actually Really Changed

2005-04-18T11:53:00.000+03:00

Recent events, chiefly comments by some leading NARC luminaries, as well as the forced resignation of TI boss Gladwell Otieno and the arrest of Reuben Ndolo have left a particularly bitter taste in my mouth.Call me cynic, but I have never been one for rhetoric. Anyone can talk. Anyone can give stirring speeches. Anyone can write policy papers, memoranda, manifestos and strategic plans. But it is

Back In Time

2005-04-15T11:05:00.000+03:00

Those of us who were obsessed with the 80s cult classic cartoon Transformers, where robots would turn into assorted vehicles and aircraft will be glad to know that there just may be a movie coming out! I await with bated breath.On the same vein I'm also looking forward to Batman Begins. After that atrocious fiasco with George Clooney as Batman and Arnie Schwarzenegger as Mr Freeze, the franchise

Life

2005-04-14T14:02:00.000+03:00

Going through my inbox yesterday I cam across this:M,I notice you never commented on the issue of Terry Schiavo and I was just wondering why, and also what your stand wasWinnieHmm.Interesting question. Why didn't I comment, and what is my stand.Well, Winnie, Some discussions revolve around issues that are highly polarized. Think Religion, (Islam vs. Christianity, Catholicism vs Protestantism,

Plane Crazy

2005-04-11T17:42:00.000+03:00

A storm gathers over Port BellMuch as I spent obscene amounts of time attending meetings and superintending operations, I had an excellent time in Kampala. Uganda is a lovely country and I have the photos to prove it. The hot humidity is irritating, but I'm told you get used to it.So finally the time to depart came. I've never actually held a million shillings in cash in my life, but after

Serial Misser

2005-04-11T09:12:00.000+03:00

When it comes to never missing an opportunity to miss an opportunity, Mwai Kibaki is impossible to top. This man makes deliberate efforts to miss opportunities whenever once arises.I left Uganda on Friday afternoon, and the entire morning was in a meeting, so I never got to watch Pope John Paul IIs funeral. However I watched the odd clips once I got home, and my amazement grew by the scene.George

(M)ore on Uganda

2005-04-06T09:22:00.000+03:00

It is refreshing to be away from loud mouthed sweating buffoons, fence sitting amnesiacs, selectively un-waivering little men, arrogant foot and mouth sufferers and hopelessly inept local chapters of the Mafiosi.By and large this country is a beautiful country. There’s something to be said about having a capital city festooned with lush greenery, surrounded by hills and crowing it off with a

Farewell John Paul II

2005-04-04T11:07:00.000+03:00

I never actually met him when he came to Kenya but I came a whisker close to, and was impressed by the man's -- how can I describe it -- realness? There was something very real and very human about the man.He's served God and the Church for close to 70 years and it cannot have been an easy job. I think some of the suffering that he has undergone has been due to the heavy decisions that he has had

(M)issing In Action

2005-04-02T11:27:00.000+03:00

I've received a lot of correspondence from those who know me well wondering if I am alive, seeing that April Fool's day passed without me doing something suitable for the occasion. It is an opportunity I almost never pass up, and (toot toot) generally rise to the occasion. So my silence was met with amazement and concern.Friends, Romans, Countrymen, I am very much alive and in excellent health,

Adios!

2005-03-30T17:39:00.000+03:00

By this time tomorrow I shall be inhaling the hot and humid air of Port Bell. Am waking up at some ungodly hour to be at the airport for two hours before the flight to Entebbe actually takes off (Quick Question: What is the SENSE in this?!!)Am off to Uganda for a week or so. I believe i will generally be online so no one need despair. But in case i'm not, no need to send out search parties.Those

M on M (with 16% VAT)

2005-03-29T09:50:00.000+03:00

Peer pressure at work! Ok Miss K, Mama J(acinta?)JunkYard, Nick1) I've spent a long time trying to attend to the foremost of duties - know thyself2) I'm not done, and don't expect to be for quite a while3) So far I am intrigued by what I've found out4) "Because", as an answer to questions, I generally find acutely wanting5) Many people and establishments view this with quite some apprehension6) I

Happy Easter

2005-03-24T16:54:00.000+03:00

I tried but just could not resist-a,to wish you and yours a Happy Easter!So every Miss and every Mister,do the slide and then the twist-a

Spin Doctor

2005-03-22T08:55:00.000+03:00

Good morning, greetings, salutations and felicitations. Wassup, wasadili and what’s crackalacking? Izzow? Niaje bro ….. niaje siste ….. ninawacheki wadhii.My names, for those who do not know me, and who will now know me after telling you my names, I am Fred M Nutua. I am the Secretarial Spokesman for the Communications Office.As I promised and swore last week, this will be the first of many

Ode To Aida

2005-03-17T17:48:00.000+03:00

Sitting here, this sunny day,thinking of you, so far away,maybe tomorrow, or maybe today,I can find some words, for me to say,to you, who makes me feel this way.Countries and continents may lie between us,but what I ask, could come between us?The world of you I want to discover,your very essence, your glorious wonder.The depths of you I want to explore,today, tomorrow and forever more.I want to

Of Horses And Cabinet

2005-03-16T11:58:00.000+03:00

Well, I seem to have acquired a pigeonhole of a political satirist. This is certainly not something I set out to do, nor want, seeing as this is where I ramble on anything and everything, but as it happens the current political situation is replete with topics of discussion. My derision for these bastards .... eh gentlemen and ladies of character and integrity is becoming infamous, and on more

Water Bored

2005-03-14T12:54:00.000+03:00

ly The Nairobi Water Board is an interesting entity, misunderstood by many. It history is as chequered as Kasparov's tools of trade, but as far as can be discerned, their principal duties are to avail piped water to the residents of Nairobi. When it comes to this particular role, the view of the Nairobi Water Board seems to be that You can provide some people with water some of the time, but you

Clay Court Terminus

2005-03-14T12:51:00.000+03:00

The Friday Nation of 11 March finally published an acknowledgement to me, bringing the Clay Court Affair to an end. It has certainly been an interesting turn of events. I shall duly comment extensively on the ramifications of this to the Kenyan Blogosphere when I have a bit of time. Jua Cali - NIpe Asali

IQ Plus

2005-03-09T16:32:00.000+03:00

Ralphie Wanjala, the MP who represents the people of Budalangi said the other day that An MP, once done with parliament, cannot be employed anywhereThis was a pathetic attempt to defend a 1.5 million shilling payout at the end of their term.I disagree. Most of our MPs would have excellent careers as clowns or jesters. Why?Yesterday, a very morose looking Wanjala painted a pitiful picture to the

The Clay Court Affair Part IV

2005-03-08T09:21:00.000+03:00

Well, things seem to have been humming over at the Nation. Shortly after my email i've received a number of official communications from the Nation through a gentleman by the way of Charles Onyango-Obbo, who I understand is the Managing Editor in charge of products.The Nation asked him to deal with the matter, and from the communication I have received from him he has been following up the matter

The Clay Court Affair Part III

2005-03-07T13:11:00.000+03:00

Having diligently followed what dear mama told me about counting to ten before doing anything, I have gone four better and counted to fourteen (days) before writing to the Daily Nation. The deafening silence from them leaves me acutely puzzled.From: MTo: Charles Onyango Obbo (Managing Editor, Products)Cc: Lucy Oriang (Manaing Editor, Magazines)Good morning.I'm not sure who I should have addressed

The Clay Court Affair Part II

2005-03-04T14:28:00.000+03:00

Well, as weeks go, this one has been an interesting one. Most of you seem to feel deeply in the matter of the Nation's usage of material sourced from here. I seem to have become an unofficial revolutionary of sorts!The Global Voices have raised the issue in this post (Good looking out Ory)Let me answer the most asked questions today.Q: Did you know your material was going to be used?A: No. I was

Beat Down

2005-03-03T09:46:00.000+03:00

Sometimes I get the powerful impression that sometimes God looks down, winks at his angels and says "Now now, look at that dude M. Don't you think he needs something to make his day interesting?"At this juncture the angels put aside their harps, agree heartily and draw closer in anticipation.What generally transpires after such deliberations is that things as innocuous as going to work become

Books And Book (Wo)men

2005-03-02T14:05:00.000+03:00

A certain First Lady over the last month has quoted from 3 Blind Mice as well as Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves. It is just a matter of time before weighty quotes from Puss In Boots, Chicken Licken and 3 Billy Goats Gruff are rolling from her articulate lips. Only time will tell when pithy gems from Snow White And the Seven Dwarfs , Goldilocks And The Three Bears and Cinderella will find their

The Clay Court Affair Part I

2005-03-01T12:56:00.000+03:00

OK, OK. I've been away for a couple of days and a certain substance seems to have hit the fan on the issue of the Clay Court Column on the 25th FebruaryTo tell the truth my initial response at seeing my own work in the press was more of mild irritation. He did not claim the writing was his own, but I wondered why he never said where he got it. So I wrote to Mr Clay the following:To: Clay

Disclaimer

2005-02-25T14:41:00.000+03:00

If you go to this link (Clay Court) in the Friday Nation 25 Feb 2005, you will find something under the heading Job Openings. This was in fact sourced from this humble establishment, and can be read in full and unedited right here.Even before you fire off emails asking me many hard questions, let me head you off at the passI am not Clay MugandaClay Muganda is not meM does not stand for MugandaI

Mensa Or Burst

2005-02-23T14:28:00.000+03:00

I don't know about you, but I deeply resent having my intelligence insulted by those ladies and gentlemen masquerading as leaders. Going through their utterances over the past month raises issues that beggar further explorationMinister: Hee haw!! All Clay is trying to do is paint this Government as corrupt, so that the Government is perceived to be corruptM: Clay is not painting you as corrupt

Investment Opportunities

2005-02-22T13:56:00.000+03:00

The Government Of Kenya is availing tax waivers, tax relief, free cash, free diamonds, helicopter rides and other benefits to investors who would like to invest in the country. Some of our local investors, including Cabinet, Wardrobe and Drawer ministers have forwarded porposals of various business ideas to the Ministry of Finance. The submissions from the Ministers should be fairly apparent

Interview With The Vampire

2005-02-18T16:41:00.000+03:00

Names have been changed to protect meJournalist(J): Good morningFirst Lady (FL): What's so good about it?J: Errr... I was just saying good morningFL: And I was just asking why you think it is good? Is it better than yesterday's? Are the birds shrubbing?J: Do you mean chirruping?FL: Yes. Shrubbing.J: Never mind that! I just wanted a few comments from you on a number of issuesFL: Very well. You

Bummer

2005-02-18T15:58:00.000+03:00

I'm supposed to be in Kampala bright and early on Monday morning. Or rather was. I've just packed all my things, sorted out all my affairs, found out that the flight is leaving at 7AM therefore I have to be there at some nonsense hour like 5 and then I get a call that office politics at the clients has buggered the entire trip and it is now hanging in limbo. What's that? I didn't tell you I was

E-mess

2005-02-17T16:52:00.000+03:00

All right, all right, all right. I've had about enough of having my inbox cluttered with nonsense messages like these:Little Hugh Jass is suffering from cancer of the rectum. He also has hay fever, malarial fever, swine fever and jungle fever. He has foot and mouth, mouth and foot, head, shoulder knees and toes. In addition he also has colic, arthritis and parkinson's disease. And to make a bad

Job Openings

2005-02-15T13:27:00.000+03:00

Are you a stupid schmuck?Are you so dense that light bends around your head?Do you have a chronic allergy to exertion? Do you develop violent allergic reactions to a honest day's work?Are you a consummate liar?Do you have the intelligence of a half witted hen?Can you at least write the initials of your name, and read them?Do you think that Robin Hood was out of his mind, stealing from the rich to

Kenyan Blog Meme

2005-02-15T08:11:00.000+03:00

Peer pressure at work!1. Favourite Kenyan food:(a) Nyama choma(b) Roast meat(c) Kenchic Chicken(d) Did I mention nyamchom?2. Favourite Kenyan drink:Ice cold, nice cold Coca Cola. This is the SHIZNIT. I can (and do) drink crates and crates of the stuff3. Favourite Kenyan TV programme:Tahamaki - the sight of our gallent Inspectors and Sergeants investigating crimes and brandishing pistols that go

MALADY IN RED

2005-02-14T16:49:00.000+03:00

Coming to work this morning almost forced me to desperately seek out one of those street vendors who tend to have an unbelievable amount of stock under an unbelievably small leather jacket and secure a large pair of sunglasses. Martians landing in Nairobi this morning will wonder why these Earthlings call Mars the Red Planet whereas Earth itself is festooned with the same. The ladies are all in

Foot And Mouth

2005-02-11T11:13:00.000+03:00

Foreign Affairs Minister Ali Mwakwere's foot and mouth infestation seems to have spread to Justice Minister Kiraitu Murungi. Some members of our cabinet must have mouths larger than normal, because it seems they have no problem accommodating one, and in some cases both of their feet. I could not believe my ears when that smug face appeared on TV with the following statement:"...what the donors

Loco Foreign Affairs

2005-02-09T14:59:00.000+03:00

The very sight of Foreign Affairs Minister Ali "Liberator" Mwakwere does little to inspire confidence, and when the man opens his mouth all further doubts are completely eliminated. I met the man once at Railways Golf Club. I was not impressed then and am not impressed now. His prowess on the Foreign Affairs landscape closely matches that of his prowess on the Green. CIA spooks analysing

Githongo & Kibaki

2005-02-08T14:44:00.000+03:00

I don't have the words to describe the frustration I have with this Government and it's determination to loot it's people's hard earned sweat. Githongo once said only two things would make him resign -- Kibaki directly condoning corruption or Kibaki not supporting him in his crusade. Whichever one came to pass I don't know but am extremely pissed off with our lethargic president and his

Kenya Damu

2005-02-07T10:22:00.000+03:00

The success of Ben Ayimba and the lads at the sevens tournament filled me with pride. That was just GOOD STUFF!! Granted the performance has been fluctuating but I dare say next to athletics our Sevens teams has been one of our most successful sports ventures.I'm also reminded of the good old days of dabbling in the game, in the capacity of the second row, first jumper. For those unschooled in

Feet of Clay? NOT!

2005-02-03T10:16:00.000+03:00

My main man Sir Edward Clay was at it again, kicking the backs of well filled Government trouser ass again. Edward Clay has precisely the attitude we Kenyans should have about our own country. We should totally refuse to accept rhetoric about fighting corruption and having our intelligence insulted by goggle eyed fat cats who call press conferences and tell us that there are "machinations by

General Major Corporal Punishment

2005-02-02T14:05:00.000+03:00

Watching what used to be my school bus many years ago pass by my window and hearing the young voices inside precipitated me into the mists of fond reminisces of days gone by. Truly, as Bernard Shaw said, youth is wasted on the young.Being beaten by a teacher was a very complicated affair for a number of reasons After tasting 10 of the juiciest ones you were expected to thank the gentleman for his

Writing On The Wall

2005-02-02T09:59:00.000+03:00

Much as am a Catholic (whose mouth keeps getting him into trouble) I was not the least bit surprised to hear that the Pope was hospitalized. I mean let's call a spade a spade. The Pope's health is an impediment to his duties ergo he should retire and pass on the mantle to the more able. It's about time we had an African Pope Hues Corporation - Rock The Boat

Defeated!

2005-02-02T09:44:00.000+03:00

Alas! My lads the Gunners fell to a 4-2 defeat at the hands of Manchester United. A grim day indeed! Now for a whole MONTH of snide comments from Man U(seless) fans! Linkin Park - Numb

Coppers

2005-02-01T16:16:00.000+03:00

I must say that as a whole, I am not a fan of the police force. The few encounters I have had with these gentlemen have not been pleasant ones, and that is a fact. I can rememberRunning into a patrol of three cops just after Loita street. I spent an uncomfortable two hours accompanying my new friends as they patrolled the city carrying an enormous G3 (one of the cops confessed that he was tired

Elections

2005-02-01T15:24:00.000+03:00

Mirth would be the most appropriate reaction to the just concluded KANU elections, with a sprinkling of puzzlementMirth- Anthony "Terminator" Kimetto, with his Buffalo haircut descending on a hapless Secretary General Julius Sunkuli with kicks and a mahogany chair- Secretary General Julius Sunkuli's timeless quote "I felt like I had been hit by lightning" after being kicked in the cojones by

Oh Kenya!

2005-01-31T11:04:00.000+03:00

Calling the Education Ministry is an exercise in frustration. Opening the Yellow Pages to get the necessary numbers should give you the first clue. About 10 of the senior most officials have the very same number.You'd think that this would be a good sign that you would get a response. This is where you would be wrong. Immediately my call was answered I was immediately consigned to hold without

NYPD Blue

2005-01-28T15:24:00.000+03:00

Who'da thunk? Nairoby Police Department Blues on our very own shoresExcerptsGangsta: Kwani munanirushia teargas mkiniambia nitoke? Ngoja tuCop: Ni yeye!, wee mjinga toka, wacha kutisha sisi fanya haraka

Travellers

2005-01-28T10:43:00.000+03:00

Over the next couple of days a bunch of friends, colleagues in arms and partners in crime are departing our hallowed shores for an assortment of destinations. So to Frida, Ory, Eric, JP and Mash, adieu, Godspeed and adios!For those North America Bound this is precisely for you :)That AsideI find it ridiculous that the only prisoners being released from Guantanamo Bay are the ones whose countries

Having Cake And Eating It

2005-01-27T11:41:00.000+03:00

If I ever make it to heaven, I'll do it smelling of smoke. I'll be the absolute last guy before the gate is slammed shut behind me. My flowing robes will be smouldering. But all will be good!Yesterday while seated in the ubiquitous shuttle, a very smart, very pretty lass made an entrance. I've always had an idea what "sight for sore eyes" means, and it was reinforced again. (At this point in time

The World We Live In

2005-01-26T14:16:00.000+03:00

It seems that there has been some controversy in the music world on who exactly can use the phrase "back that ass up" that led to court....New local blogs put of the woodwork:KipchirchirDaktariMy Part Of The World

Nobel Or Burst

2005-01-26T09:41:00.000+03:00

My favourite fossil, HE Mwai Emilio Kibaki, continues to prove that had Albert Einstein been alive, he would have trembled with fear at the mere mention of the word 'Kibaki'. Our Commander In Chief Of The Armed Forces is at the forefront of intellectual synergy. Sample this statement from this tower of intelligence:"President Kibaki yesterday condemned the clashes that have rocked Kenya – and

Big Brother

2005-01-24T13:45:00.000+03:00

I'm beginning to feel that there are some laws in force that actually make no sense in a civilized society that prides itself on its ethic of freedom (of choice). Your freedom ends where mine beings, and as long as you don't interfere with my own freedom directly or indirectly, why should I bother with yours?I have still yet to find someone who can explain to me why is it that prostitution is

Odds & Ends

2005-01-21T14:59:00.000+03:00

A VSAT was installed here on Monday, and as i've been attending amazingly long meetings out of the office most of the week, i've not had much time to take the link through its paces. Until now that is. Am surfing at pretty much obscene speedsAgony is setting up a project for 11 years, deploying it on a 7 year journey waiting for aforementioned seven years then realizing some schmuck forgot to

You and the cops

2005-01-21T14:37:00.000+03:00

It just occurred to me that I don't actually know what my rights are, insofar as the law is concerned, and I'm sure I'm not the only one. What's more, I don't even know where to begin looking for them.For instance, if some rough looking fellow appeared at your elbow and said "Police. Come with me!", would you go along? If you run away you might be collared for resisting arrest or something of

Victory?!

2005-01-20T17:32:00.000+03:00

On my way back from a meeting I heard on the radio that Kamau Ngotho, the hapless journalist who was interrogated under Security Minister Chris Murungaru's orders got the last laugh as the AG decided not to prosecute the case, arguing that there were plenty of alternatives for aggrieved parties to follow other than criminal libel. A nolle prosequi, or something to that effect, will be entered. (

Intelligence

2005-01-19T16:36:00.000+03:00

I'm a fairly easy going kind of chap but one of the few things I cannot stand is to have my intelligence insulted.The case of one Peter Njeru Ndwiga is such. This schmuck is the Minister for Cooperatives and one of his companies got awarded a tender to supply insurance to Kenya Cooperative Creameries, even when it should have been disqualified on a purely technical and financial basis. And in a

Happy Birthday

2005-01-19T09:06:00.000+03:00

Happy birthday Ory!

The Stupid Tree

2005-01-18T13:43:00.000+03:00

I've been watching with much amusement the fiasco that one Prince Harry has burrowed his ignorant self into. Sky News actually went to his school and interviewed his teachers, one of whom was like:"Certainly we did World War II history! As a matter of fact we covered the holocaust extensively"This effectively knocks every last vestige of his already weak defence out of the water.When I got to the

State Of The Union

2005-01-17T17:13:00.000+03:00

Pro: The Kenya Police have a website http://www.kenyapolice.go.ke/Con: It was designed by someone extremely graphically challenged. Despite there being no audio, some of the pages can be heard in underground bunkersPro: Bottom line: Somebody somewhere is really trying. Kudos to Brigadier Ali and his merry menHowever I take exception with some of the things that the police do. For example, why

AAARGH!!!

2005-01-17T15:37:00.000+03:00

Can you identify yourself in this scenario?It is 3 AM in the morning. Not a thing is stirring. Not even a mouse.[BEEP BEEP BEEP] (Place atrocious ringtone here)M: (Picking up almost instantly, as am light sleeper) Hello?Ass: (Going off like a overflying jumbo jet) Hiiiiiii !M: (Holding phone as far away from ear as possible) Yes????Ass: (Cheerfully in a voice like thunder) It's me!M:Who's me?Ass:

Two steps forwards....

2005-01-14T17:48:00.000+03:00

One of these fine days I shall be found curled in a corner laughing hysterically to myself. Just when we make one step forward in some area, we take three or four back!On one hand AFSAT were licenced to sell VSATs to corporate and individual customers. (The less said about the connection with the head of the national security information service (NSIS) the better, but that is a matter for another

City Council Reloaded

2005-01-13T17:57:00.000+03:00

Our very own Kenyan Pundit has not been idle and has been digging up some dirt on the morass at the City Council. Sooner her than me, as my patience is famous for its non existence.The Local Government Minister, Musikari Kombo, was a guest on the KTN NewsLine, a talk show of sorts, and he failed to impress.And in a related event, even as the ministry banned hawking at the CBD, an Assistant

Kenyan Olympic Bid?!

2005-01-13T12:29:00.000+03:00

Either Sports Minister Ochillo Ayacko is the type who hits the ignition before opening the garage door or his office is located downwind from a glue manufacturing plant. Either way, his announcement that Kenya will bid to host the 2016 olympics has had me in stitches all morning. I heard him on BBC radio and he sounded dead seriousNot that it's a bad thing, but there is something called keeping

Picture This

2005-01-12T17:51:00.000+03:00

Veteran athelete Kipchoge Keino burst into urpoarious laughter as President Mwai Kibaki asks a bewildered IOC Chairman Jacques Rogge: "My goodness, Moody! My you've changed! I Thought you were bald? And you really need to work on your tan!"

Fret not my pets!

2005-01-12T13:42:00.000+03:00

I think i should create a page for this :: I will NOT, repeat, NOT take down the Original Thinker's Room. It shall remain up forever (or at least until yahoo decide to cash in their chips)In fact on that note i've just noticed the guestbook was full. Well, it ain't now so go and sign itI've also run across some Kenyan blogs you might like to visit Virtual Insanity, a bunch of dudes and dudettes I

Local Government

2005-01-12T11:05:00.000+03:00

Just what is it about city and county councils that brings out the Neanderthal (apologies to the Neanderthals) in people? Almost all elections are characterized by fisticuffs, headbutting and biting. Every other month the staff strike and throw stones, potatoes and other missiles at the powers that be.2 weeks ago an outraged buxom lifted her skirt, treating an unwilling public to the sight of her

Sudan Fiasco

2005-01-11T18:01:00.000+03:00

Just when I begin to imagine that the bar of ineptitude and ignorance in our foreign affairs ministry cannot get any lower, our foreign affairs minister and his merry men and women always find a way to slither under. I watched on TV yesterday a series of amazing events that took place behind the scenes in the epic signing of the Sudanese Peace AgreementThe mediator of the peace talks, one Lt